The secret of power: Not ruthlessness, but empathy

What is the power paradox?

We rise in power and make a difference in the world due to what is best about human nature, but we fall from power due to what is worst.

How we handle it determines our happiness

How we handle the power paradox guides our personal and work lives and determines ultimately how happy we and the people we care about will be.

Power in the Machiavellian construct

Sadly, our understanding of power comes from the 16th century book by Niccolò Machiavelli, The Prince. He argues that power is about force, fraud, ruthlessness and strategic violence.

So, what is power?

Power is the capacity to make a difference to the world by stirring others in our network, by influencing them.

It is the medium through which we relate to one another. 

How do you gain power?

Power is not grabbed, it is given.

Groups give power to individuals who contribute for the good of the group.

Power is gained and maintained through a focus on others.

Power is a state of mind

Power is a dopamine high and these initial feelings can spiral into ways of interacting with others that resemble a manic episode.

Empathy versus selfishness

Straying from an intent focus on others catapults you to selfishness and short-sighted behaviour.

When you lose focus on others, you lose the ability to empathise.

How one becomes powerless

Powerlessness comes from succumbing to the power paradox. Powerlessness is the second biggest challenge in the world after climate change.

Power is not the same as status…

Status is the respect that you enjoy from other people in your social network.

Nor is it about control…

Control is your capacity to determine the outcomes of your life.

Or about social class

Social class is the mixture of family wealth, educational achievement and occupational prestige.

Power in action

Of the 323 opposition movements from 1900 to 2006, nonviolent tactics won more support—53 to 26—and success in achieving the goal.

Power, a fundamental concept

The fundamental concept in physics is energy. Similarly, the fundamental concept in social science is power.

How to avoid the power paradox

Critical to avoiding the power paradox is recognising that enduring power hinges on doing simple things that are good for others.

Collaboration

Work today is more collaborative than ever, founded on the networking tendencies.

Trust is a factor

Your ability to make a difference in the world is shaped by what others think of you. Your capacity to alter the state of others depends on their trust in you.

What diminishes power

When an individual acts in ways that violate the greater good—the group’s sense of its collective welfare—the group will resort to gossip and other reputational damage to diminish the influence of that individual.

People have a keen sense of judging whether an individual’s acts are good or bad for the group.

Social tendencies and how they contribute

Traits of powerful people

A summary of 48 studies found that those who rise to power are generally generous, kind, brave in tough situations, good at tabling and resolving intragroup conflicts, good speakers, fair, impartial, open, focussed, calm, enthusiastic and humble.

The bad apples

Everyone at work knows who the bad apples are—people who undermine organisation cohesiveness.

Bad apples do not realise this and they tend to lose out.

Status

In preindustrial cultures, groups elevated the status of individuals in proportion to the amount of food they shared. 

Status versus power

Status and power are separable. It is possible to have power without status.

A corrupt politician has low status but lots of power.

A university professor has lots of status but little power.

Gossip’s targets  

Gossip tends to target individuals who seek power at the expense of others.

On average, we pass along gossip to 2.3 people.

Gossip and privacy in a digital world

Our obsession with spreading information and misinformation has privacy costs.

In a social digital world, a few people post nasty untruths about their leaders. Invariably the leader would have done the right but tough thing for the company.

Groups bestow power

Groups choose to give power to people who are enthusiastic, kind, focussed, calm and open.

Gratitude leads to collaboration

By expressing gratitude to others, thanking them, we dignify them.

Outward means of gratitude is a way to stir others to collaborate and be more productive.

Expressions of gratitude generate contagious goodwill within social networks.

Good storytelling makes for enduring power

A final path to enduring power is to tell stories that unite others in a common cause.

Good stories are a powerful tool for making sense of life’s more complex challenges and stresses.

What made Lincoln tough to beat

Newspaper publisher Thurlow Weed campaigned for Abraham Lincoln’s opponent in the 1860 US presidential elections. But Lincoln enjoyed people’s confidence and was difficult to beat.

Power from the people

After his candidate lost, Weed said of Lincoln: “His mind is at once philosophical and practical, he sees all who want to see him, he hears all that people have to say, he talks freely with everybody, and reads and replies to whatever is written to him.”

Empathy

The cost of an empathy deficit is lower trust.

Those with less have more empathy

People who have less in the world depend on others and hence are more empathetic.

Poor people tend to be more empathetic and collaborative than rich people.

Power leads to incivility and disrespect.

Societies are judged by how they treat their most vulnerable and powerless.

Fivefold path to power

• Be aware of your feelings of power
• Practice humility
• Stay focussed on others; be a giver
• Practice respect
• Change the psychological context of powerlessness